I’ve Seen It All

I used to fit my self into my mom’s dresses or shoes when I was kid. I used to make my face up using her lipsticks. I wondered how it feels to be an adult. Coz they looked happy and free.

But then I find out now that growing up is kinda sucks.

I wanted to be an architect. I wanted to be a singer. I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to be president. Yet, none of them ever come true. I feel that I am nothing, most of the time. I couldn’t even express my self out. Sometimes, I couldn’t understand my self either.

You have been tried. You have been failed. You cried. You laugh. You were sick, then got better again. You have been to places. You fell in love. Your heart broke. You go to school. You made some friends. You worked, earned money. You bought things. You marry. You cooked. You ate various of food, and beverages. You have experienced things.

So now I am asking, “what makes you want to stay alive?

Coz I think I am running out of reasons. All of sudden. State of mind this morning.


I’ve been thinking this past week

What makes a house home?

It’s not the size, it’s not the model, and not necessarily the location.

It’s the LOVE.

How you treat the building by cleaning and decorating it your own way. How you fill the atmosphere with laughter and conversation. How you connect to surroundings to create a good environtment. Whom you share your daily life in that house with.

No matter where the house is, you can always place that home into it. No matter how much things that would have to be changed, as long as you have faith and love, you can always come home.

Jakarta, Oct 10, 2017

X-Men : Apocalypse..

I warn you, this post is not about movie review or synopsis.. I’d like to share something else, closer to the reality compares to this movie..

I watched this movie about couple weeks ago.. I remember some parts of the movie where the laser eyes, Cyclops, and Jean were suffering due to their gifts.. Yes, some people might call it gift while someother think it was a disaster..

Trust Me, I'm a Superhero!

Trust Me, I’m a Superhero!

Everybody has ever wished to be a superhero, hasn’t they? Batman, Superman, Spiderman, named it.. How cool it would be, if I have that superpower to save the world? I know.. But have you ever thought that even superhero has their problems? Even their problems are superproblems compare to regular human being‘s problems..

God wouldn’t give you some kind of tests, if He know that you won’t be able to pass them..

The harder your problems, the stronger soldier you are (EYK, 2016) even when you haven’t even realize how strong you really are and how stronger you can even be.. God makes no mistakes.. He knew your capability, from the very begining..

Everybody probably knows that statement already.. What then matter is, you have no idea about it.. Why me? What does Thee want me to do? Where will this road lead me to? What do I do now?

Totally understandable, as a human we want things to be as certain as it can be.. We works hard, to earn good money.. We put the seatbelt on, to keep us safe.. We save money, for children’s future education.. But, there are no guarantee about what’s coming next.. Future belongs to God, one hundred percent! That gap issued stress, frustation, hopeless, anger, sadness and others.. The gap between our dreams and reality..


Don’t you know that Cyclops was being dropped out from his school due to his disasterous gift? And don’t you have the idea that Jean has been refused to sleep due to her continuous nightmares that scare her out?

Yes, all superheroes had had their -even bigger- problems.. They are the same hopeless, as frustated, as angry, as stressed, and as sad as we are.. Only different problems, and different level that is.. But they embrace themselves, embrace their gift, gain supports, listen to advices, and make it all their strength..

All I want to say is,  as human we will face challenges our entire life (that’s what makes us human).. Don’t compare yours to the others, we got different challenges.. Just be sure that God has measured, if you face harder challenges, meaning you are that real superhero! You should have got better rewards when everything’s done..

If you are now frustated, and angry, and sad, and clueless, and hopeless, then you are a superhero on the process! Turns that negative feelings to build your new strength..

For every superhero that’s now fighting, you know now that superhero doesn’t always look strong.. You might take a break, you might cry, you might pause the battle just to take a deep breath.. Just remember, you’re not alone.. We’re all fighting together, only a different battle.. :-)

[Nov Sabatini]



Read my other post :

  1. A Story About A Framed Photograph
  2. How To Be Gratefull

A Framed Photograph..

It was your 25th birthday, I gave you a special gift.. Not a book you’d love to read, not a wallet with a space for you to place my photo.. It was a framed photo of us.. A moment I forced to be in the middle of your business with your family and friends, on your graduation day..

That 25th birthday were gifted by God with your graduation, finally after struggling for about five years.. It was only four days away from that graduation day to your birthday.. After picking the best photo (there were only three or four photos in total since you were in a hurry, and they weren’t so good so it was like maxi-min) I worked quite hard to do such editing on that photo to catch the next process : printing.. I wanted everything good in detail, so I worked carefully blurring that random background of other graduaters’ activity..

I expected what would your face be, the day I finally met you to give that wrapped box, though I could almost bet it :-D And I was right, you were annoyed.. You were like “What would I do with this? Where did I have to hide this?”

Yeah, you’re not a person who like to show off.. And you were a quite shy person too.. Although it had been about 2 years, members of your family hadn’t met me, yet.. I knew you were not gonna put the gift in the right place.. Later when I asked you about that gift, you told me you hid it between your books, and I laughed thinking about that.. Later on, that photo was found by your sister.. LOL :-D

Now that we were already married to each other for two years.. No need to hide me no more.. Today, I find out this display picture of your messenger account.. You took the picture of our framed photo which laid on our livingroom’s table, and made it as your display picture since yesterday.. Yes, that same framed photo I gave you five years ago.. How time flies? :-)

you and me

We’ve been through both good and bad times, they will do nothing but strengthen this bond between you and me.. You were there with me from the beginning, from the time I was nothing untill I’ve been what I am now.. And I’m blessed with it.. Thank you for everything.. :-)

Happy 2nd anniversary..

[Nov Sabatini]


Read my other posts :

1. Real life story behind X-Man

2. What are we chasing in this life?


This morning, I got a message from my husband at the office.. More less the English translation is like this:

What are you searching for in this life?

You lived on the mountain, you missed the beach..
You lived near the beach, you wanted to feel how it’s like to live on the mountain..

On summer you asked for the snow to fall coz it’s such a hot day..
When the winter came, you missed how warm it could have been on summer..

You stay still at home, you feel like going outside and feel free..
Once you’re outside you’re missing home..

Once you’re single you keep complaining about how much you’ve wanted to have someone to be loved..
When you’ve found someone, you’re complaining why don’t you have children..
When you’re married and have children, you’re confused managing your finance, and how to handle your children..

Turns out to be, something looks good when we haven’t had it yet..

When will you be happy if you only chase things you don’t have? But you didn’t take too much care of things you’ve already owned..

A piece of leaf might not be able to cover this world, but look, once you sticked that leaf upon you eyes, the whole world would be covered from your sight..

And so did your heart.. If it’s filled with bad things even if a small piece then you will see this life the way your heart felt..

Be grateful of whatever happen in your life..

Coz life is:
Time that’s lended..
Wealth that’s trusted..


Happiness comes from within.. That simple :)

So true, and what a simple tought everyone can have, but you know what, it’s so hard to be applied in the real life! I mean, who doesn’t want to have a better life day by day? More money, more level of prosperity, more famous, and the other more..

Nowadays, almost everything is about money.. You need money to buy food you can eat, your clothes are bought with money too.. Then you have to make money, whatever it takes.. You work for money, you gamble at a game for money, you study to get a good job which means more money..

But something we might have forgot : you need to be grateful not only for things you’ve owned but also for things you haven’t..

Thing you haven’t owned can motivate you to jump a little higher to reach it.. You need a passion to keep you alive, to differentiate you from things.. To differentiate you from zombie.. Well, even zombie have an urgent to eat brain, lol.. Imagine, when you’ve got all the things that you want, would you be happy after all?

Look at the people, a couple might think that having children will complete their life.. Haven’t you seen couple with kids ended up with divorce? There are so many! You might think famous person have a perfect life : popularity, money, women, houses, etc.. Haven’t you heard famous person do a suicide?


Having everything you could’ve wanted doesn’t guarantee your happiness.. Life will be empty if we don’t have anything to be chased anymore..

Human can never be satisfied, it’s just our thing.. The final level will be searching for the peace.. You could have tons of money, but you didn’t feel secure.. You could have money for living only this day, but you feel okay.. That peace will be found, only if you are grateful, for what you’ve got and what you haven’t..

Just another killing-timed post, just a tought.. Still learning, still going..

[Nov Sabatini]

Check my other posts :

1. A Framed Photograph

2. A Story Behind X-Men